Dreams
by ccp
Summary: Jag Fel songfic Durring the Swarm war


The characters belong to Lucas and various authors  
The song is I've Got Dreams by Delbert McClinton

Dreams

The low-hanging sun that spilled in the uncovered window opposite the entrance to his apartment was blinding to Jagged Fel. He was home for an inquiry into his involvement in allowing the release of the Wookiee Lowbacca and the subsequent attack at Thrago Depot. He had put his name and honor on the line for her and she had shot him in the back.

He took a moment just inside the door to scan his spartan apartment and grimaced this was not what he had foreseen for himself. He had wanted a home, similar to the one his parents had made for their children, not this residence that he merely stayed in between missions. So without ceremony he dropped his duffel and walked across to the kitchen to get a drink. After taking a glass out of a cabinet above the sink he turned to the cooler unit. Opening the frozen section, he filled his glass with ice and turned back to the sink opened the cabinet underneath the sink this time he reached back behind the few cleaning supplies to retrieve an almost full bottle of Whyren's. He and Jaina had intended to drink the bottle in celebration of his latest accomplishment at their last rendezvous, but had quickly gotten distracted with each other. He gave a sad smile at his last happy memory of her and uncorked the bottle. The smile drifted as he watched the amber liquor wash over the cubes of ice and fill the glass. The burn from his first sip produced a small cough as he carried glass and bottle to a large comfortable chair with a small table beside it facing out the large window to the now setting sun. The cork stayed on the kitchen counter. He picked up the media remote, left here from the last time he had sat in this place admiring the landscape of Csilia, and pushed play. As soft tones of a stringed instrument filled the apartment, he wondered at the setting sun. He was starting to believe that it was setting on him and his dreams. Yes, he had dreams.

**I've got dreams, dreams to remember  
I've got dreams, my dreams to remember**

Jagged saw himself in full dress uniform standing at the front of a large group of friends and family. Looking to his right standing with him on a raised dais was the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker who smiled softly at Jag's bewildered face. Turning back to the left he looked down the aisle to see Han Solo escorting a woman dressed entirely in white causing Jag's heart started to pound with happiness.

Then his mind's eye turned to that battered field where he had last seen her in person. She had been with Zekk and they had been unable to stop touching each other and had finished the other's sentences. It had ripped his heart in two.

**Honey, I saw you there last night.  
Another mans arms holding you tight.  
Nobody knows what I feel inside.  
All I know is I walked away and cried.**

He had spent considerable time in a clawcraft thinking of what their home would be like. On Ossus or perhaps Corellia in an area with a mild climate where one would leave the windows open in the fall and spring. Jag had seen a home with a large yard and a couple of children running in and out of the house. He heard a door slam and small feet run through the room behind his back from his spot on the couch in the living room where he was watching the smashball game. Seconds later the door slammed again followed by another set of feet. "You kids can stay in or stay out, but you are not going in and out of this house like a herd of banthas." He smiled at his wife's voice he had never figured Jaina for a disciplinarian. He heard a muffled reply and then, "I don't care what you do at Uncle Jacen's house. I swear if your cousins jumped off a cliff, you'd surely follow." He chuckled despite himself. "That's it outside, now march!" He had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing as two pairs of small feet marched in time to the door then opened and softly closed it. "Your children act too much like me." He looked up to see her glaring down at him with her arms crossed over her chest. She then pointed her finger at him, "And if you tell my parents I admitted that, I'll kill you." He deftly grabbed the pointing hand and pulled her onto his lap.

**I got my dreams, my dreams to remember  
I've got dreams, baby, dreams to remember**

She lay with him, the sheets twisted around their naked bodies. They were together where they belonged he had thought. They had spent the night slowly exploring the passion that burned inside their souls, until they collapsed from the exertion. Both exhausted from a night spent in the throws of passion. He had been up for a while spending the time enthralled with her beauty, slowly cataloging every square inch of her supple body. Memorizing Jaina as no one else knew her, defenseless and giving herself freely and completely to him and he to her. If possible, he would spend the rest of his life like this, but reality would come; it always did. Hoping to get a jumpstart on reality he got up quietly and went to the sitting area of their suite to order room service for breakfast. It was the last day of their vacation and he wanted to get the most out of it. Food ordered, he entered the fresher to prepare for the day and froze staring unblinking at the face in the reflector-- Zekk's face. Jagged had awoken in his bunk a cold sweat covering his body. It seemed even his psyche knew the truth.

**I know you said he was just a friend.  
I saw you kiss him again and again and again.  
Honey these eye's of mine they don't fool me.  
Why did he hold you so tenderly?**

Something heavy landed on his sleeping form, and he awoke with a grunt to see his daughter on his bed pushing his chest in an attempt to wake him up. "Come on, Daddy. It's time for presents." He looked over to see Jaina suffering through a similar assault from their other child. Putting a hand on his daughter in an effort to stop the shaking he heard a booming laugh from the door. Looking in that direction, he saw his father-- the obvious instigator of the girls's actions-- chuckling like a mad man.

"That's it, girls. Get those two dead heads up!" The pushing instantly increased. Never again, Jag decided, will we spend winter solstice without bedroom doors that lock.

"Soontir, leave those two be, they need some time to themselves." He thanked the gods for his mother.

"It was the girls idea that they needed to get up." Sure it was. 

"Soontir!"

"Come along girls your grandmother made bristleberry flatcakes for breakfast." The pushing stopped immediately and two sets of feet tore out of the room. "You two take your time." Then the door closed. Jagged looked over to find Jaina smiling at him and they slid together, his lips capturing hers. 

**I got my dreams, my dreams to remember  
Oh, I've got dreams, baby, dreams to remember**

The last time they were in each other's presence they had tried to kill each other. The fates had put them on opposing sides in the latest war. For this infraction Jag had cursed the gods, the Force, and any other higher power he could think of. She had given him her best, a compliment he supposed, and he had also done his best to shoot her down. Neither had succeeded for that he was glad; it would have likely been the point of no return. Killing her would have surely destroyed him leaving even less than the tattered shell that now represented his being. All he could think during that altercation was that he wanted her to come home to him, wanted her with him, how even now when all seemed lost he sill loved her.

**I still want you to stay   
Cause I still love you anyway  
I don't want you to ever leave  
Cause girl you just satisfy me**

All thoughts of reunion were wishful thinking. All his dreams were wishful thinking. He would never meet her on raised a dais before friends and family. That wedding would never take place. The home with the large yard would hopefully fulfill another family's dreams it would never be theirs. The children who acted so much like her would never be born their lives would not exist. His father would not get the chance to pester his son and daughter-in-law on a visit to the Fel family home. His parents would not get the chance to make a solstice breakfast for their grandchildren. Because even if by some trick of fate this all worked out for the best, Jaina was still with Zekk and no amount of prayer to the deities of Corellia or Csilla or begging of the Force would change that.

**I know you said he was just a friend.   
I saw you kiss him again and again and again.  
Honey these eye's of mine they don't fool me.  
Why did he hold you so tenderly?**

When the ice touched his lips, Jag returned to reality. The sun had set leaving the room in darkness. He took in the empty glass and looked to the still mostly full bottle. He didn't want it anymore.

**I got my dreams, my dreams to remember   
I've got dreams, baby, dreams to remember**

With a start he noticed the still playing music and stopped it. With a grunt he stood up and took the glass and bottle back to the kitchen. Standing at the sink he sighed deeply hoping to expel the melancholy threatening to consume him then he dumped the ice in the sink. The bottle, he decided, might have more use after the hearing. He corked the container and returned it to the hiding space. Turning he went to shower and get some sleep; tomorrow would undoubtedly be a long day. 

The End.

Thanks for reading.  
I hope you liked it.   
Thanks to my Master BigFatty for beta and help.  
Cody


End file.
